Binah (binah1013) wrote,

Jesus Christ Reviews The Different Mountain Dew Flavors

Mountain Dew is nectar of the gods. I've always thought so, but it seems Jesus agrees!

Evidently nobody had stumbled upon this website. I hit the "I like it" button and StumbleUpon informed me that I was first to review it and would I like to submit it? Oh hells yes.

I'm sure you're asking yourselves, "WTF was Binah doing there?" I'm glad you asked. I stumbled upon 7 Soda & Candy Bar Combinations You've Probably Never Tried. Just another day in the StumbleUpon neighborhood. In the vaguely disgusting combo descriptions, the author does a good job of describing the taste of the sodas and candies. For instance...

Dr. Pepper Consistency: 23 fruit flavors with a sprinkle of Robitussin

Heh, I can agree with that. Barq's Root Bear is described as "burnt honey with a bit of a kick". Other sodas are given evocative descriptions. And then I think, "Hey, didn't they do Mountain Dew? I'm awful at describing the tastes of soda. Let's see what this dude said!"

Mountain Dew Consistency: Words cannot describe it. Hell, full blown sorcery couldn't even fucking do it justice. It's that good.

It's completely beside the point if I agree. Completely! Where's my taste description! I must have others' words to help me crystallize my impressions!!1!!1! Yes, I know it's "citrus", but so is Sprite and the Dew makes Sprite look like a $5 whore. God help me, but I decided to Google "mountain dew flavor favorite" in the hopes of finding another rhapsodizing over the Mountain Dew taste that gives a more precise description than awesome.

That's when I found out Jesus was a fellow fan. However, he added little to the discussion beyond the fact there's a Mountain Dew river running through Heaven. Though, his comments on the other Dew flavors are worth taking in.

I think I see the Monty Python Colonel coming to tell me I'm being entirely too silly. Best I'd be off then.
Tags: mountain dew, stumbleupon

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