Binah (binah1013) wrote,

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More Unabashed Partisan Fun...

2004 Republican National Convention Schedule, New York City

6:00 PM Opening prayer, led by the Reverend Jerry Fallwell

6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance

6:35 PM Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd Amendment), led by John Ashcroft and Tom Ridge

6:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing

6:46 PM Seminar #1: "Getting Your Kid a Military Deferment"

7:30 PM First Presidential Beer Bong

7:35 PM Serve Freedom Fries

7:40 PM EPA Address #1: "Mercury -- It's What's for Dinner"

8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next

8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh

8:15 PM John Ashcroft lecture: "The Homos Are After Your Children"

8:30 PM Round table discussion on reproductive rights (men only)

8:50 PM Seminar #2: "Corporations: Our Government of the Future"

9:05 PM Second Presidential Beer Bong

9:10 PM EPA Address #2: "Trees: The Real Cause of Forest Fires"

9:30 PM Break for secret meetings

10:15 PM Lecture by Carl Rove: "Doublespeak Made Easy"

10:30 PM Rumsfeld demonstration of how to squint and talk macho

10:35 PM Bush demonstration of trademark "deer in headlights" stare.

10:40 PM Ashcroft demonstrates new mandatory kevlar chastity belt

10:45 PM Clarence Thomas reads list of black republicans

10:46 PM Third Presidential Beer Bong

10:50 PM Seminar #3: "Education: A Drain on Our Nation's Economy"

11:10 PM Hillary Clinton piñata

11:20 PM Second lecture by John Ashcroft: "Evolutionists: A Dangerous New Cult"

11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again.

11:35 PM Blame Clinton

11:45 PM Laura serves milk and cookies

11:55 PM Closing prayer led by Jesus Himself

12:00PM Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord

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