July 18th, 2006

English

Keg of Worms

I read this line in an article today:

"We're just appalled," she said. "If they want to do this in the privacy of their home, I don't care. But we're just opening up a keg of worms if this happens."

For the record, the speaker is objecting to chickens being slaughtered via electrocution in her local grocery store. My beef is with the term "keg of worms". Let's take a moment to visualize such a state of affairs. Worms on tap, yum.

Okay, I've googled "keg of worms" (yes, I do that kind of thing) and evidently this isn't some random malapropism. There's 90 results on Google, though I must say it's my first brush with the phrase. Then again, I'm not one to hold with the idea that millions of smokers can't be wrong, so maybe there are just 90 freaks on the internet that say "keg of worms" as opposed to the traditional "can of worms".

Is a keg of worms even physically possible? I'm not a beer drinker and am not versed in various types of kegs. Okay, online dictionary to the rescue. Huh. I guess a keg of worms is possible,in a powder keg type way. I'm a bit disappointed to learn this. I want the phrase "keg of worms" to be as ridiculous as it first struck me.

And in more insane researching of kegs of worms, I couldn't find worms sold in kegs. You can buy worm bins and worm factories (eww!), worm harvesters (::the spice must flow::), but I haven't found any kegs of worms to buy.

Oh my. You can buy catfish treats. Treats FOR catfish. Hmm, looks like catfish like their treats pickled or brined with garlic. Ahh, and look there! Sturgeon Candy! Of course their version of "candy" involves herring, so I'm never going to check out a sturgeon's candy dish. Bleargh.

Oy, I am done. I do not like "keg of worms", I do not like it Sam-I-am! Though I could be forced to admit it could be a hyperbole of "can of worms". But if you say it in front of me, I may feel the need to mock you mercilessly. Just sayin'..